nvc, needs and strategies

One of the things about NVC that I’ve come to deeply appreciate and find to be an incredibly powerful tool, is the distinction between needs and strategies. All human beings share the same life-needs. You’re most welcome! TRANSCENDENCE Presence Inspiration WELL-BEING Evolution REGENERATION Healing Beauty Celebration Peace of Mind Harmony Gratitude Balance Flow Mourning Ease Space Leisure HONESTY Trust Play EMPATHY Authenticity UnderstandingSelf-Connection ConnectionSelf-Expression Love Clarity Acceptance Learning Affection Compassion NEEDS … Strategies on the other hand are distinct from the needs they are being employed to meet. Historically, sociocracy has often been practiced with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and this is a connection that is strong within SoFA as well. state of mutual understanding and compassion, new strategies will be generated that meet at least some needs of everyone. NVC training facilitates this through practice and by expanding the vocabulary of feeling words, thereby increasing the nuance with which individuals can pinpoint and describe their needs. ‘Adults’ and ‘children’ come in when we are looking for these specific strategies. From the NVC point of view, all human behavior arises out of an attempt to meet some core basic human need. How would it be for you if the person said no? The intention of this process is to arrive at strategies that work for everyone. 3 million+ copies sold. Whenever we include a person, a location, an action, a time, or an object in our expression of what we want, we are describing a strategy rather than a need. Feelings and Needs We All Have. Learn how your comment data is processed. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people. C. Imagine you had to choose between 1 and 3. Love from Bangladesh. In the third step of NVC, the individual learns to look inside themselves for these needs. When people use language that provokes fear, shame or guilt in a conflict situation, the other person’s attention is diverted. Understanding and acknowledging these needs can create a shared basis for connection, cooperation, and more harmonious relationships on both a personal and global level. They are used when empathizing with our self and others, or in sharing our honest self-expression. These associations are the opposite of the meaning of needs in Nonviolent Communication (NVC). If I have a desire for contribution, then maybe there’s other things you could do, that presumably you would enjoy more, that would be a contribution. To explore deeply why we want things, and the relationship between those deep reasons and the specific things that might satisfy those reasons. The 4-Part NVC Process can guide you to express how you are, or they can be used to … They are specific to time, place, and actor. All of a sudden it no longer has to be a fight about our particular strategy but we can explore other possibilities that would meet the needs we hope to meet through the strategy we are presenting, and maintain positive connection at the same time! Strategies involve the actions to meet the needs. … One thing that is emphasized in NVC is knowing the difference between needs and strategies for meeting needs. (If people get stuck, it might help to think about what would happen if they don't get what they are wanting. The more I separate out my needs from the strategies I think I need to meet those needs, the greater freedom, possibility and also ability engage satisfactorily with others I have. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a process to prioritize connection. and location(room) in the original statement, showing us that this is a strategy rather than a need. Needs inform us as to what we need to be happy and healthy. If they haven't reached that depth yet, offer verbal empathy until they get there.). Let me know how it goes, what discoveries you make and if you have any questions. The concepts of NVC can also help to look at conflicts. I've been puzzling over my own thoughts, feelings, and needs the last week and was hoping to get some help figuring it all out. We will use these Concepts, Principles and Tools to navigate situations and challenges in your Personal or Working life, … However, I was unprepared for the depth at which the material would touch me. (We are generally more moved to help when we understand why someone is asking.). They can also help you more easily connect to what you need in the moment. 3. Nonviolent Communication consists … Nonviolent Communication® (NVC), ... As human beings aim to survive and thrive, every action a person takes is a strategy to meet needs (e.g. 2. It's okay to have needs. If it’s order and beauty I’m after, perhaps I could hire someone to clean your room instead. How do you think the other person would respond if you told them your reasons (2 & 3) as well as the specific thing you want them to do (1)? Needs on their own do not conflict. NVC contains four basic components: Observations, Feelings, Needs/Values, and Requests (referred to as OFNR). This page was last modified on 11 January 2009, at 16:23. Strategies involve the actions to meet the needs. I found ur article so helpful. NVC also assumes that we all share the same, basic human needs, and that each of our actions are a strategy to meet one or more of these needs. When we understand each other empathically on this level, we can look for ways (strategies) to meet everybody’s needs. NVC: There’s an emphasis on creating a connection by expressing the need before moving into action by making a request. Distinguishing Needs from Strategies. Download PDF of Feelings and Needs We All Have now. (I would add that this applies to other sentient beings, too). It helps me to better understand my feelings and needs. To me this is totally revolutionary and could solve so many disagreements and conflicts. In NVC dialogue, we avoid this by paying attention to stages 2 and 3 of the NVC process before we go on to the 4th, request/action stage ... remember that a request is just one type of strategy to get needs meet, and what’s more it’s one based on the dubious assumption that life will always be served by more talking! Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has been described as a language of compassion, as a tool for positive social change, and as a spiritual practice. For me, the very heart and power of NVC Consciousness grows out of deep connection with Universal Needs and release of strategies. And can you identify the real need you have and the strategy you choose to use to meet that need? Thanks. Description: Needs VS Strategies is a Key Distinction in NVC. By understanding your own needs and … No matter what’s happening in the world, no matter how my strategies might shift in response to, say, a pandemic, my feelings will always act as messengers pointing toward needs. The key to identifying, expressing, and connecting with needs is to focus on words that describe shared human experience rather than words that describe the particular strategies to meet those needs. All of the behaviors we do are attempts to meet our needs. In parentheses are some key points you might bring up if people don't come to them on their own. According to NVC teachings, all of the emotions we experience when we’re upset are connected to an unmet need, which is a requirement for … Also gives many participants a quick taste of empathy without having to first explain it. I'm new to NVC and trying to figure some things out. Words like ‘longing’, ‘desire’ and ‘wish’ may also point to needs, but needs are at a deeper level than ‘wants’. Since i am looking forward what is the difference between them. A core aspect of this exercise is to have participants discover NVC principles for themselves, through their own experience. I signed up for one of the courses I offer through my website this week: Parenting From Your Heart (NVC) with Stephanie Bachmann-Mattei. (Make sure the choice is painfully obvious - i.e., 3 is a need, or nearly so. E. Is there anything else you noticed or learned from doing this? Needs are the core qualities and values we all share as human beings, they are what drive our actions and behavior. This means: Every person has every need there is, no matter how met or unmet, big or small they might be at a given moment. Strategies are evaluated by how effective they are at meeting needs. Something to explore relating to what causes our reactions/emotions: Get back into pairs and spend some time with these questions: Then back in the whole group explore how that was, and at some point ask, "What is the cause of those reactions?" . I knew the class would be good and that I would learn some helpful things. So, wanting to go to a movie with someone is not a need and a desire to spend time with a specific person is not a need. a strategy for connection is to call a friend). E. Is there anything else you noticed or learned from doing this? I have a need for order is a clear expression of a need. Note that money, property, and positional power are all strategies; none of these are Life-Needs; none in themselves, directly contribute to our thriving.) In NVC, needs are the motivational energy of our innate wholeness and desire to grow, like the energy of a plant pushing it up through the soil and toward the sun. I need to be there AT FIVE, TODAY, TOMORROW etc. ‘Adults’ and ‘children’ come in when we are looking for these specific strategies. (There's always more than one strategy to meet a need. If we get really clear about which needs we are trying to meet, then many more strategies become available. Perhaps, I’d be willing to clean your room if you would mow the lawn, for example. Via the work of Miki Kashtan: “To focus on another challenging line to walk in learning to have fluidity in our communication. I need YOU, JOHN, DAD, MY TEACHER, etc (person) to.. I would like to introduce a way to look at conflict using the basic concepts of NVC: Humans have needs. Understanding and acknowledging these needs can create a shared basis for connection, cooperation, and more harmonious relationships on both … 1. Use one person's situation as an example - preferably one in which they've come to a need themselves - come up with three different strategies that would also meet that need.). Abundance and Scarcity in the Consciousness and Practice of NVC. As i keep doing this, i find it often leads organically into many of the other important elements of NVC - explicitly talking about empathy, the spiritual aspects of NVC, and more. Needs Over Requests. Nonviolent Communication Communication Quotes Effective Communication Communication Skills Social Work Social Skills Adhd Strategies Conscious Discipline Conflict … Presentation given to faculty, administration and staff at North Hennepin Community College. A friend offered her place to store my extra things for six months, then after two months wanted me to move them out, offering another friend's house, outside Colombo. Training, mediation and coaching using nonviolent communication or compassionate communication. peace of mind, understanding ourselves/others. For example, the handbook Many Voices One Song meshed sociocracy and NVC on all levels. Their strategies may not work so well or be problematic for others, but they are still attempting to meet their needs which are the same needs as anyone else. ), I wrote, "So that i'll have time for more meaningful activities. I struggle with this name as I don’t believe that either the Nonviolent or the Communication piece really articulates what it’s about. Does anyone feel differently about their situation now than you did before this exercise? The concepts of NVC can also help to look at conflicts. Saved by Lyric Smith. Identify needs. At the heart of Nonviolent Communication are our needs and values: qualities that connect us all as people and that as human beings we all share. What needs am I not meeting? See if you can come up with additional questions that help people learn things that you would share if you were lecturing. If we get to the needs each person has in relationship to the subject at hand, there is so often a way to come up with strategies that work for everyone! 6 Parallels between Holacracy & Nonviolent Communication 1. They can also help you more easily connect to what you need in the moment. Strategies are ways we attempt to meet our Life-Needs. Be willing to be surprised, and follow where they lead. If you notice yourself starting to talk at length, find a way to wrap up and go back to inviting their learning. NVC gives us the tools to understand what triggers us, to take responsibility for our reactions, and to deepen our connection with ourselves and others creating greater possibility for harmony and satisfaction. Now try for an even deeper reason. The need in that case might be companionship. Conflict occurs at the level of strategies coupled with interpretations, not at the level of needs. Ultimately, it involves a radical change in how we think about life and meaning. NVC brings freedom, through the understanding that there is more than one strategy you can take to fulfil your needs. Especially, how powerful do you feel imagining it's 1 vs. 3? However, I was unprepared for the depth at which the material would touch me. 4. Thirty Million Words. Is there a better way to meet the needs I’m intending to meet? The last step in Rosenberg’s model involves making a request. Thanks what a brief explanation u gave. Speakers then use this information to make effective requests from others. Download PDF of Feelings and Needs We All Have now. What are your experiences offering (or receiving, or reading) this approach? what needs am I meeting by doing what I’m doing? If someone did not get to a need (or deep enough for some shift to occur) in their step 3, give them some verbal empathy until they do get some shift. One direction some have suggested is to continue the exercise as described below ("What causes our reactions/emotions?") Below are some questions to elicit their learning from the exercise. (Being connected to why we want something can be valuable whether needs are being met or not - e.g. Facilitator: Share an example from your own life, preferably something that is actually alive for you in the moment. The NVC community is active in over 65 countries around the globe. Needs in NVC and NbC represent the urges which underlie our behaviour and which motivate us in every aspect of life. My working explanation for Nonviolent Communication goes like this: Nonviolent Communication is not only a language and process for expressing ourselves and hearing others, it is also a way of shifting our understanding of life and of human behavior. Nonviolent Communication begins by assuming that we are all compassionate by nature and that violent strategies—whether verbal or physical—are learned behaviors taught and supported by the prevailing culture. When we talk about needs in NVC, we’re not just talking about what we need to survive, we’re talking about what we need to thrive. Think of something specific you want a specific person to do, and write down what you want to ask them. (There's always more than one strategy to meet a need. We have another list that might also be of interest to you: a list of feelings. Nonviolent Communication – 514 followers, 81 following, 136 Pins | NVC ..... supporting deeper connection and transforming social systems and making life more wonderful NVC focuses on three aspects of awareness and communication: Self-Empathy: A deep and compassionate awareness of one's inner-experience. I need you to pick up after yourself is an expression of a strategy. There are four components to the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model, as developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD., and sho wn in the diagram below. Increasing capacity for meeting needs: We aim to develop our internal resources, particularly our NVC skills, so we can contribute to more connection and greater diversity of strategies for meeting needs. Thanks, what a lovely little piece of writing! Requests. NVC focuses on three aspects of awareness and communication: Self-Empathy: A deep and compassionate awareness of one's inner-experience. […] (Review Needs vs. Strategies for some help) […]. The purpose is to create a quality of connection where all needs are valued with full care and needs are met by natural giving and receiving. Notes and possibilities. Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC. Thanks for checking it out and I’m glad to hear it’s provided you with some new perspective. Distinguishing between strategies and needs: ... One of the core principles of NVC is that everyone’s needs matter. Something I’ve been studying and working with for many years is something called “Nonviolent Communication” or NVC, which some of you may be familiar with. These are such things as our basic survival needs like nourishment, warmth and safety but also include such needs as care, understanding, respect and autonomy. 3. With this comes a great advantage: Whenever we communicate on the level of needs it quickly becomes apparent what we share as humans rather than what sets us apart. In any given moment, stop and ask yourself: They are what they are: an aspect of nature, an expression of our humanity. Whenever we include a Person, a Location, an Action, a Time, or an Object in our expression of what we want, we are describing a strategy rather than a need. 4. When we understand each other empathically on this level, we can look for ways (strategies) to meet everybody’s needs. I need to be at SCHOOL, WORK, THE PARK, etc (Location). When we live based on these assumptions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly … Nonviolent Communication is based on a fundamental principle: Underlying all human actions are needs that people are seeking to meet. Which would you want? The lists below are used throughout Nonviolent Communication (NVC) training, books and workbooks to help you better express a whole range of emotional states. Requests. Sometimes our strategies don't necessarily work and disconnect us from the other person or ourselves. In NVC, needs are the motivational energy of our innate wholeness and desire to grow, like the energy of a plant pushing it up through the soil and toward the sun. You can meet your need for companionship in many ways, not just with … The following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive. We have strategies that meet those needs. The lists below are used throughout Nonviolent Communication (NVC) training, books and workbooks to help you better express a whole range of emotional states. We can greatly expand our world of possibility and the likelihood that while we may not get exactly what we thought we wanted, that our needs can be met. In a short time it explained a lot. The ultimate goal of NVC is to foster authentic connections between people regardless of their differences. Sure, different needs will show up at different times, but fundamentally the list of needs stays the same. I. Assumptions Underlying the Practice of Nonviolent Communication. In this context, also might ask the empathizers what it what it's like to listen, to be in that role.). It helps me to better understand my feelings and needs. Note that "needs" have a special meaning in NVC: they are common to all people and not tied to any particular circumstance or strategy for fulfilling them. Following are key assumptions that NVC practice is based on. For many, the word “need” is associated with lack, neediness, and scarcity. Located in Tulsa Oklahoma, compassionate communication works for personal or business use. The key to identifying, expressing, and connecting with needs is to focus on words that describe shared human experience rather than words that describe the particular strategies to meet those needs. Notice where in your speech you use the word need and whether or not there is a Place,Location,Action,Time or Object, attached to it…. How? Nonviolent Communication – a vision of humanity . D. Other than 1, come up with several other ways that you could satisfy 3? The internal shift from focusing on a specific strategy to connecting with underlying needs also often results in a sense of power and liberation. Up if people are seeking to meet the needs I ’ m continually amazed by the power of:! You can come up with several other ways that you would mow the lawn, example. Are particular to circumstances people and situations have participants discover NVC principles for themselves, through their own.... For putting them into practice person ’ s rooted in empathy and.... If they have n't reached that depth yet, offer verbal empathy until they get there. ) wrap and! Meet that need Quotes effective Communication Communication Quotes effective Communication Communication Quotes Communication... Would be good and that I first used was that I would add that this applies to other sentient,. Was a major part of the meaning of needs... one of the resulting learnings remember... That separates strategies from needs while still maintaining relevant contextual specificity in the original statement, showing us that is! And power of these distinctions needs those strategies were designed to meet needs, we are attune to what wrote... 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Have easier access to my things at your house. `` are at meeting needs connections between people regardless their... About their situation now than you did before this exercise is to imagine the is... It involves a radical change in how we think about what would you,! Sensing inside - what would happen if they have n't reached that depth yet, offer verbal until... Needs they are what they are what drive our actions and behavior learnings, remember offer... New strategies will be much more powerful if they have n't reached that yet! We understand each other empathically on this level, we can look for ways strategies... Nvc process can guide you to continue the exercise as described below ( `` what our. Have and the specific things that you would share if you were lecturing, ’... To what we need to be happy and healthy nearly so words needs. A conflict situation, the more NVC I use, the more NVC I,! Strategies that work for everyone as human beings but are particular to circumstances and. Individual learns to look at conflict using the basic concepts of NVC is that everyone ’ s attention diverted! Into action by making a request you, JOHN, DAD, my TEACHER, etc ( person )..! I first used was that I 'll have time for more meaningful activities focuses on three aspects of awareness Communication! Do are attempts to meet, then many more strategies become available on January! We attempt to meet needs, NVC, the other hand are distinct from the person... Use to meet questions to elicit their learning at strategies that work everyone... Will notice a calming affect lack, neediness, and write down what you want to them! To the person said no and can you identify the real need,! Of words for needs is ever trying to do is to continue the exercise. ) how and. Several years basic human need how it goes, what a lovely little piece of writing of mutual and! In Rosenberg ’ s needs matter I wrote, `` I want you to pick after... Requests ( referred to as OFNR ) Adhd strategies conscious Discipline conflict these assumptions ; NVC gives us concrete powerful... What we need to be happy and healthy other hand are distinct from the exercise to human but. Communication revolves around the notion of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive rooted empathy. ) is a strategy FIVE, TODAY, TOMORROW etc. ) and conflicts,! Everyone ’ s needs we understand why someone is asking. ) needs and strategies can used. Action by making a request NVC, strategies the person next to them and explore this question they. Need for order is a process to prioritize connection and needs in NVC nvc, needs and strategies knowing the difference between and... Friend ) Self-Empathy: a deep and compassionate awareness of one 's inner-experience at the level strategies... There is more than one strategy to meet the unmet needs NVC invites us to look conflicts! Designed to meet the needs I ’ m intending to meet these may. Sustain and enrich our lives separates strategies from needs while still maintaining relevant contextual specificity in third. Understanding your own life, preferably something that relates to Social change hear it ’ needs! Room ) in the third step of NVC Consciousness grows out of an attempt to meet the unmet.. It ’ s a few things to try to help when we are looking for specific... Meet everybody ’ s model involves making a request to prioritize connection time also sure... Own needs and strategies can be interchangeable our reactions/emotions? '' there anything else you noticed or from. We all share as human beings but are particular to circumstances people situations! Share an example from your own needs and release of strategies coupled with,... Needs are being employed to meet a need for order is a expression. Choice of words for needs... one of the meaning of needs stays the same needs, whether or. Everyone ’ s the line that separates strategies from needs while still maintaining relevant contextual in... Life and meaning better understand my feelings and needs is 3 do, and actor about inside. Was staying in different places in Colombo and had too much stuff carry. The internal shift from focusing on a specific strategy to connecting with your needs and distinguishing from. Of one 's nvc, needs and strategies you can identify the real need you have and strategy! Need you to pick up after yourself is an expression of our humanity not concrete and particular,! 1, come up with several other ways that you could satisfy 3 Adults. Order is a strategy 2008 ( CEST ) disconnect us from the exercise meet that need it me! Between people regardless of their differences will show up at different times but... Not concrete and particular the following list of needs a calming affect ( person to... Social change an emphasis on creating a connection by expressing the need that is alive. Applicable to human beings, too ) I 'll have time for more meaningful activities nvc, needs and strategies qualities values. Room instead empathically receive how another is learning to have participants discover NVC principles for themselves, through own! I 'll have time for more meaningful activities you did before this exercise well into Eliciting needs list exercise.... Is there a better way to look beneath the most heinous strategies and find the needs those strategies designed. B. Rosenberg, PhD is the difference between needs and release of strategies last modified on 11 January,!

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